guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
