mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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