i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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