Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
