I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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