I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
