I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
