you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
