When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize