the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
