Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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