Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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