girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
