They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
