Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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