The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
