she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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