I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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