He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
