He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a beard to bite.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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