I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
