Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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