this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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