best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
