I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
