Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
