I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
