I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
