I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
