I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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