Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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