I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
