is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
