I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The best revenge is premature balding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
