I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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