My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
