i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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