Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
