Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
