Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
