Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
