There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What should our trivia night team be named?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito