I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.