I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
