Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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