I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
