Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
