dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
