I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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