I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
