i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
