I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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