forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
