But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
