wanna go halves on a baby?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
