i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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