I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
