As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
