Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
