I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
