I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
