mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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