Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
