I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont even know how to be here
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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