Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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