Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
